This Post Was Written By a Cat Not a Kitten

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Misty the cat says: “I’m perched today next to ‘The Boys from Biloxi.’ I am NOT a boy from Biloxi.” (Photo by me.)

My cat Misty hasn’t hijacked this blog since early 2021, but he’s back on the computer today discussing some of the novels his human (me) has read during the past two-plus years. Has Misty read those books, too? Perhaps, although his Goodreads account lists him as only reading the labels on cat-food cans. Is that great literature?

Anyway, here’s Misty:

“‘Is that great literature?,’ my male human asked. Depends. How do we know that, say, Dostoevsky and George Eliot didn’t write the words on cat-food-can labels? All authors have to start somewhere.

“Anyway, I was thrilled that one of the novels Dave read since early 2021 was Kristin Hannah’s The Nightingale! I could practically taste that avian protagonist until I pawed through the book and learned that ‘The Nightingale’ was a nickname for a female HUMAN who did heroic things during World War II. Now I’m itching to start World War III by swiping my food bowl off the table.

“Despite the persona I just put forth, I’m a very nice kitty most of the time. For instance, when Dave read Barbara Kingsolver’s Unsheltered, I cried tears of empathy for the homeless animals that novel undoubtedly depicted. But the book turned out to be people-focused. Still, I will always have a soft spot in my feline heart for Kingsolver’s The Poisonwood Bible, in which a missionary converts dogs into cats. Religious zeal? You gotta love it.

“Actually, the missionary did NOT convert dogs into cats, so those canines howling in the Pink Floyd song ‘Dogs’ can just shush.

“The barkers in that prog-rock tune have no names, which reminds me of Wilkie Collins’ novel No Name. The title actually make sense once you read the book, as does the title of that author’s The Moonstone — about a member of The Rolling Stones visiting the moon in the 19th century. Yes, Keith Richards looks, and is, that old.

“Now that I’m name-dropping, I read Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist assuming it was a fictional work about my friend Al the chemist. It was not. I also thought Morgan’s Run by Colleen McCullough was about 18th-century character Richard Morgan competing in the Boston Marathon. It was not. Maybe he was actually an 18th-century pickleball player?

“As for Bel Kaufman’s Up the Down Staircase, the first-floor apartment my humans and I share doesn’t have stairs, so I don’t know how Dave can relate to that book. Still, there are hallway stairs that lead to the second and third floors of our basic, plain-looking rental building. Shirley Jackson authored We Have Always Lived in the Castle, but she needs to speak for herself. There isn’t even a moat around here.

“But there’s an inhaler in my apartment, because I’m an asthmatic cat. Thus I thought Breathing Lessons would be a very valuable instructional read for me and other felines in my situation. Alas, that Anne Tyler novel — like the aforementioned Unsheltered — focused on people. No wonder I can’t get a library card.

“As some of you know, I’m given a leashed walk every morning around my apartment complex. The other day, I saw a puddle of rain from the night before, and was awestruck to realize I was witnessing the very body of water that’s the titular setting for Agatha Christie’s Death on the Nile. Cue the soundtrack for The Bangles’ ‘Walk Like an Egyptian.’

“The title of Song of Solomon also evokes the Mideast, although Toni Morrison’s novel is set in the United States. Did King Solomon rule the U.S. sometime between the presidential terms of FDR and Jimmy Carter? Morrison ignores that question in her book, but everyone knows the Electoral College works in strange ways.

“It’s also strange that Irving Stone’s The Agony and the Ecstasy isn’t about me being fed five seconds late one day. Instead, it’s about some guy named Michelangelo. Wasn’t he a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle?

“More questions: Was Lorna Doone a novel first or a cookie first? R.D. Blackmore wrote the book, but who wrote the list of ingredients on Lorna Doone cookie boxes? Not Dostoevsky or George Eliot, because they were busy writing for cat-food cans.”

Misty the cat will reply to comments between naps.

My literary-trivia book is described and can be purchased here: Fascinating Facts About Famous Fiction Authors and the Greatest Novels of All Time.

In addition to this weekly blog, I write the 2003-started/award-winning “Montclairvoyant” topical-humor column every Thursday for Baristanet.com, which has merged with Montclair Local. The latest piece — which comments on a negative report about my town, among various other topics — is here.

80 thoughts on “This Post Was Written By a Cat Not a Kitten”

  1. Dear Misty,

    I was so thrilled to stumble on this post written by a cat, until I realised that you’re also obsessed with these book things that my human Susan always has in her hands! She’s currently reading something called “The Poisonwood Bible” and every few minutes will take a deep breath and say to the room ‘This is so good. I love these girls so much. I can’t stand that one of them might die’. I mean sheesh. It’s just a book. And it doesn’t even seem to have any cats or dogs in it.

    A little while ago my human was home All. The Time. I mean all the time. No work, no shopping, no out for lunch. Nothing. And for whatever reason, the book thing seemed to be a lot less too. And then suddenly that book without a moat turned up. It was only short, but again, there were so many exclamations mid read. Constantly thanking Deborah for gifting her this perfect book that got her out of her reading slump. Whatever one of those is.

    Anyway, I’ve been out of bed for about a half hour so I guess it’s time for a nap. I’m pretty lucky that my human lets me do whatever I want. And she’s pretty good for cuddles when I’m in the mood for them so I really can’t complain too much. It seems like you got lucky with your humans too, Misty, and that you have quite an interesting life. I gotta admit, if YOU wrote one of those book things, I might be tempted to read it…

    Missy Moo ❤

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    • Misty the cat says: “I love your comment, Missy Moo! Thank you! The four sisters in ‘The Poisonwood Bible’ are indeed memorable. And I relate to the King part of Barbara Kingsolver’s last name. But I’m shocked that any feline could stay up for even a half hour without a nap. Raymond Chandler wrote ‘The Big Sleep’ about cats. And, yes, we both have great humans. They richly deserve the one minute a day we allow them to vacation from serving us.”

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  5. Dear Misty,

    I had to think about all this.
    After all, we know cats possess a superior intelligence.
    Your human, Dave, is exceptionally well read and so I find it difficult to believe he has not mentioned “On Cats”, by Charles Bukowski.
    True, it is a collection of poetry and shorts, not a full length novel, but it is 100% cat focused.

    He loved cats, and had many in his lifetime.
    I seem to remember reading he, at one time, had 9.
    He claimed he would hear a noise at the front door, would go check it out and a cat would move in.

    From the book – “I don’t like love as a command, as a search. it must come to you, like a hungry cat at the door.”

    Your human, Dave, should really read this short book.
    It was published posthumously, in 2005.

    Finally dear Misty, I leave you with theses words from the book:

    Warm Light

    “alone
    tonight
    in this house,
    alone with
    6 cats
    who tell me
    without
    effort
    all that there
    is
    to know.

    Resa – purrmew

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    • Misty the cat says: “LOL, Anonymous! 😂 Thank you! Apparently I need to bury my secrets deeper in the ground during my daily walks. I’m reading Jules Verne’s ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth’ for some tips.”

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    • Misty the cat says: “Ha! 😂 Thank you, Audrey! Ironically, even as I appreciate literature more than cat videos I appear in Facebook videos of my daily leashed walks filmed by Dave. Hopefully Amnesty International will investigate.”

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  12. Lorna Doones came out in 1912. They are made in Mexico as Oreos owned by Mondolez.

    Misty’s favorite play, ” Cat On A Hot Tin Roof.” He is a Clint Eastwood fan so film, “Play Misty For Me.”

    Singer is Cat Stevens.

    From Michele

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    • Misty the cat says: “Thank you, Michele! And — ha! 😂 — I resemble those remarks. I’m also a feline fan of Al Stewart’s song ‘The Year of the Cat,’ though a name better befitting my species’ status would be ‘The Centuries of the Cat.'” 🙂

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  13. Thanks for the entertaining and informing, Misty. You have cleared up a mystery at our house. Our late cat, MuMu liked to sit and sleep on some window shelves I built for her. I had a habit of leaving books on those shelves – MuMu would push them on the floor. I thought she was being mean. Now, I guess she was finished reading and wanted something new.

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    • Misty the cat says: “Thank you very much, Luisa! 🙂 That feline adds: “Speaking of love, it’s amazing that Erich Segal predicted the title of Taylor Swift’s 2008 song ‘Love Story’ with the title of his 1970 novel ‘Love Story.'” 🙂

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