You Know You’re a Book Addict When…

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Inside my local library in Montclair, New Jersey. (Photo by me.)

You know you’re a book addict when…

…despite a broken big toe, you make a hobbling visit to the library to borrow a new bunch of novels. (Which I did on June 13.)

…you read while waiting in line (at a store, the post office, etc.) even though you might be also holding something else (a purchase, a package, etc.).

…you uncomfortably grasp a large hardcover to read while on an exercise bike.

…you read even if you’re in a room with poor lighting.

…you read while a passenger in a car even though that makes you feel kind of sick.

…you bring a novel to a doctor’s appointment and are almost disappointed on the rare occasion when you’re summoned from the waiting room on time.

…you try to read in an eye doctor’s waiting room after your pupils have been dilated.

…you read almost as much as you usually do despite an eye infection. (Happened to me last year.)

…you read a novel while watching something on YouTube even though splitting one’s attention in half is not wise, so you only do this for a little while.

…you know the year of birth for many novelists.

…you know the year of death for many novelists. (I don’t think this includes living authors, but I’ll ask the supposed psychic in Liane Moriarty’s Here One Moment novel. 🙂 )

…your brain practically breaks when you’re forced to reduce your book collection by two-thirds because of moving from a house to an apartment. (As I did in 2014.)

…you’re upset when a screen adaptation doesn’t do a novel justice.

…you exult when a screen adaptation DOES do a novel justice.

…you’re chagrined on the rare occasion when a screen adaptation is better than the book(s) it’s based on.

…you continue reading a compelling novel late at night even though you’re tired and should go to sleep.

…you delay posting on your literature blog for an hour or two because you’re so engrossed in a book.

Any additions or comments? 🙂

Last-minute postscript, after last night’s disgusting/dangerous/unprovoked bombing of Iran by the United States: You know you’re a book addict when you wish Trump and the officials in his administration were also avid novel readers — which would perhaps give them a bit more empathy, decency, common sense, and historical knowledge. Actually, perhaps not. 😦

Misty the cat says: “I’ve used an inhaler since 2018, a year after asthma was invented.”

My comedic 2024 book — the part-factual/part-fictional/not-a-children’s-work Misty the Cat…Unleashed — is described and can be purchased on Amazon in paperback or on Kindle. It’s feline-narrated! (And Misty says Amazon reviews are welcome. 🙂 )

This 90-second promo video for my book features a talking cat: 🙂

I’m also the author of a 2017 literary-trivia book…

…and a 2012 memoir that focuses on cartooning and more.

In addition to this weekly blog, I write the 2003-started/award-winning “Montclairvoyant” topical-humor column every Thursday for Montclair Local. The latest piece — which includes an election postmortem, discussion of a large local “No Kings” protest against the Trump regime, and more — is here.

99 thoughts on “You Know You’re a Book Addict When…”

    • Thank you, Lauren! Good lighting definitely helps. 🙂 (With poor lighting, I might read for a little while, but not for too long. 🙂 ) And I totally hear you about the pull of reading other things in addition to books — blogs (as you note) and the news. The back of cereal boxes? Not so much. 🙂

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  4. Hi Dave, this is amusing. I no longer try to read novels while on exercise bikes or in the car. That’s what audio books are for – grin! I don’t know the birth and death dates of novelists, I’m afraid. I’m only interested in the books they write really. A bit selfish. I am currently reading Mutiny on the Bounty by John Boyne and enjoying it immensely.

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    • Thank you, Robbie!

      I suppose I should try audiobooks; I have literally never listened to one in my life. 🙂 😮

      As I mentioned in a response to another commenter, writing a literary-trivia book helped stamped the birth and death years of some authors in my mind.

      Glad you’re enjoying “Mutiny on the Bounty”! Coincidentally, I’m now reading a Val McDermid mystery — “The Grave Tattoo” — that has a possible “Mutiny on the Bounty” angle! (I’ll know more when I’m finished.)

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  5. Howdy, Dave!

    If you’re looking for something to help with your addiction, then I’ve got the perfect book for you!

    Oh, wait . . .

    J.J. McGrath (Alias MugRuith1)

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  6. You know you’re a book addict when you’re pretty sure that if you pay attention to how many pages a day you read, and are given some free time and a spreadsheet, you can work out what you’ll be reading over the Christmas break in 2035. But oops, that was yesterday and today there are 3 new books on the TBR and that throws all the maths out of whack!

    I can also relate to most of your examples, and the examples in the comments, however having a Kindle does help with some of them.

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    • Thank you, Sue! Ha ha! 😂 I enjoyed the way you stated that. I hope to be reading Stephen King’s 1,478,333rd book in 2035. 🙂

      And, yes, reading on a Kindle does solve certain book problems, though I still prefer old-fashioned print. 🙂

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  7. My husband and I both carry books whenever we leave the house to go anywhere–you never know when you’ll have spare time to read. Dave, I share many of your listed traits, but one way we’re different is that when I read, I only read–I can’t do anything else. I can’t even put music on in the background because reading blocks it out. It’s not a conscious decision; it just happens. Also, I don’t know the birth or death date of a single author! Oh dear.

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      • Thank you, Kim! Great that you and your husband both carry books with you just in case. I like that kind of planning. 🙂 And I understand that it’s hard to truly concentrate on a book if there’s music playing or something else going on.

        I’m guessing you know the birthdate of at least one author…yourself. 🙂

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  8. Of course, I’m a bookworm. I love to read! My little friend, Luna (my cat), also reads next to me (or on me). And both of us are saying ‘hi’ to Misty… ‘are you ok about your inhaler still?’ – Oh, and also, how’s that big toe getting on, Dave?

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    • Thank you, Chris! Very nice to have both human and feline bookworms in your family. 🙂

      Misty still enjoys his twice-a-day inhaler and the treats that follow. Next X-ray July 16; I hope the toe is pronounced cured that day. 🙂

      Hi to Luna!

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    • Thank you, Audrey! The incentive treats are key to his cooperation. 🙂 Before we tried giving him the inhaler the first time, we were worried that he would get really agitated and/or run away.

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  11. To your list I would add the feeling of panic if you find yourself bookless in a waiting type situation.

    I absolutely can’t read in a moving car, but one of my former colleagues was often seen reading while walking around in the library or even on the sidewalk on the way to the coffee shop. That was before cell phones so seemed like a rare skill.

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  13. Do they even know how to read? I doubt they could pass a literacy test and definitely they have never studied any history.

    I do get annoyed when the doctor calls me in too soon. Also, I’ve missed bus and subway stops on many occasions. (K)

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    • Thank you, Kerfe! You’re so right — members of the Trump administration are not exactly bibliophiles. Donald himself has been more like a pedophile, among other atrocious things. 😠

      Missing bus and subway stops while reading! I’ve also “been there.” (I lived in NYC for 15 years and worked there for 30 years.)

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  14. Dave, this list had me nodding, grinning, and saying, “Yes, yes, and oh definitely yes!” Whenever we moved, my father ensured that books were the first ones to be packed and had a place of honour in the moving van. You had me thinking about what to add so Don and made up this list:

    1) You plan your outfit around how well it accommodates a paperback in the pocket.
    2) You’ve accidentally read past your bus stop—and maybe your next one too.
    3) You own bookmarks but still use receipts, tissues, or teabags-in-envelopes because they’re “right there.” (I have found photographs that I thought had been lost, but found them in books used as bookmarks)
    4) You’ve had emotional conversations with characters—and apologized out loud when you misjudged them.
    5) You’ve brought two books to an appointment—just in case you finish one.

    A wonderful post, post. I think we’re all gloriously incurable.

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  15. Me too, I can relate to several on your list, Dave. My granddaughters, 7 and 5, can relate to you this one – read even if you’re in a room with poor lighting. They read when their mom turns off the light (with nightlight on) and read until they fall asleep. My 7-year-old grandkid, especially, loves books. She always have books with her. As soon as she got into the car, she reached into the bags for books. She also has books in her backpack and read when the classroom works are done.

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  16. I can relate to several of these symptoms, Dave. I might add, you pick up a book in a genre you have always said you don’t enjoy (because a friend wrote it) and you find yourself frantically turning page after page.

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  17. An excellent post as usual, Dave, although I’m late in responding to it because I wanted to finish the book I’ve been reading this week. 🙂 I’ve done many of these, although not the library/broken toe thing, and I don’t have a clue about birth/death dates of many writers – but I don’t know those of friends and family either, so that’s just me. Otherwise, I’m up there with you. I have a step machine – a small device, two foot-shaped ‘paddles’ mounted on a frame upon which I stand and pump the peddles up and down (they’re on a sort-of hydraulic system) for about 40 minutes each day for some exercise. By dint of placing this in front of the kitchen island I can put a laptop on the surface in front of me and read on the Kindle app while I step, thus exercising both body and mind simultaneously. Unfortunately, however, regarding your ‘big and beautiful’ current administration: if they had the curiosity and imagination to want to know about the world and the people in it, as well as the ability to read and write above the level of a SMALL CHILD! they wouldn’t be who they are and we wouldn’t be talking about this. Unfortunate but true. Keep up the good work with your own reading, my friend, and have a good week. 🙂

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  19. I recognize the urge and the habit. But mostly from my earlier years (before I used an e-reader) and when I never left London or New York or Paris without 10 to 15 new acqusitions, easily, half of which I had finished before my return. But these days I find my job is so demanding, I’m happy if I finish a single novel in two weeks. I read on the plane and when lined up to get onto one, at the hairdresser’s, in bed at home or in a hotel room, when EV charging, when having a meal I cooked myself and did not invite anyone over to have with me. I.e., nothing out of the ordinary. I guess, looking at pictures of you, you could spend time reading at a hairdresser’s. But then, for me, it helps that I have my hair colored every 5 or 6 weeks. Add highlights and styling and there is my window to really make headway in the novel that in bed I keep falling asleep over, not because it’s boring, but because it starts to amalgamate with images that have nothing to do with what I’m reading and that I realize the next morning was the dream state taking over.

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    • Thank you, Dingenom! I hear you about how a demanding full-time job makes it harder to find time to read; I remember that from when I used to work at least 50 hours a week in New York City (though I got a lot of reading in during the train commute). It does sound like you make time for reading when you can in all kinds of locales; a plane ride is certainly among the great places to do so.

      Ha! 😂 I suppose I COULD spend some time at a hair place, but I do my own amateur cutting. Which of course has amateurish results. 🙂

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  20. Okay… love the Misty video.

    I’m smitten by how wonderfully you take care of him. Oh, the treats at the end were perfect.

    Your addiction list is hilariously fabulous. I am not currently addicted, and manage to read in controlled amounts.

    Still, applied to other addictions, your list is quite valid; especially broken toes!

    Our Fathers: The Secret Life of the Catholic Church in an Age of Scandal was in hardcover when I read it in prep for the movie. 672 pages –

    It was quite heavy, and one day it leapt out of my hands, attacked my big toe and broke it.

    Nothing was going to stop me from designing costumes for this movie.

    I made a splint, taped the toe to my other toes and bought 2 pairs of the same sneaker, one in a size bigger for the broken toe foot.

    Books and broken toes could be a thing!

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    • Thank you, Ada! Next X-rays July 16; unless something unexpected happens, I will supposedly be healed at that point. 🙂

      Writing that literary-trivia book helped me learn and remember author birthdates. 🙂

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  24. When we moved to Spain 10 years ago I had to get rid of 75% of my books 💔🥲. I would often take a box full into my office, pop them on the lunch room table with a sign, Help Yourself! They all found good homes. I donated some to the senior centre and to the Salvation Army Thrift shop. I gave favourites to my daughter and when I visit her, I get to revisit them. I can’t throw a book away but I did have to throw away a set of encyclopedias. It broke my heart but no one wanted them. Not even schools or senior centres. I’m still upset about that. You know you’re a book addict when you can’t bear to throw a book away, even if it’s damaged.

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    • Thank you, Darlene! Great addition! I’ve also started cooking dinner later than I should have in order to “read one more chapter.” 🙂

      And culling books for a downsizing move…ugh! Painful — including wrestling with whether to sell books, or give away books, or throw away books, or all of the above.

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