guest-blogging

A Kitty Tries to Be Witty

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“Perhaps I should wake up and write a blog post,” says Misty. (Photo by Maria.)

I, Misty the cat, guest-blog for Dave every two months. I last did this on April 13 and today is June 8, so that’s…hmm…actually not quite two months. Reminds me of when Dave returned some novels to the library five days before their due date, and the indignant book drop expelled said novels with such force that they traveled back in time and landed on the heads of the three Karamazov brothers. Fortunately, each of the books was under 400 pages.

But Fyodor Dostoevsky’s 824-page The Brothers Karamazov is even longer than my average nap, during which I experience “Dreams” more often than Fleetwood Mac did at their 1977 concerts. And Dostoevsky’s 1880 novel might have been the first volume of an even longer work if the Russian author hadn’t died in early 1881. Perhaps a trilogy of sorts — like Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games (about me nudging my cat-food bowl so that each serving lands in the exact center) and J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings (about my epic quest to be a male feline version of the Ernestine telephone operator played by Lily Tomlin).

I recommend shopping at Pop Culture R Us for all your celebrity-name-dropping needs.

Speaking of decades-ago entertainment, do you remember the 1978 movie Same Time, Next Year about a married woman and a married man who have a multi-year annual affair? That film partly inspired the long-term romance of Mallory Blessing and Jake McCloud in Elin Hilderbrand’s 2020 novel 28 Summers, which I read last week and found to be a wonderful, poignant book. It’s 422 pages in hardcover, which explains why various other 19th-century Russian fictional characters are donning helmets to avoid concussions. Helmets with stickers saying “Please Don’t Name Your Cat Anna Karenina.”

I’ll add that 28 Summers has an alternate-history element, with Jake’s wife Ursula DeGournsey running for President of the United States in 2020. Reminds me that my aforementioned cat-food bowl is shaped sort of like the Oval Office, and even has a tiny edible desk.

Other novels featuring politicians? Stephen King’s The Dead Zone, Robert Penn Warren’s All the King’s Men, J.K. Rowling’s The Casual Vacancy, Fannie Flagg’s Standing in the Rainbow, and Sinclair Lewis’ It Can’t Happen Here, to name a few. When my cat-food bowl was empty for five seconds, you know what I screamed? Yes, I screamed “It can’t happen here!!!”

A century ago, Lewis had quite a run of notable novels: Main Street (1920), Babbitt (1922), Arrowsmith (1925), Elmer Gantry (1927), and Dodsworth (1929). It Can’t Happen Here was published in 1935, eight decades before my 2015 birth year — which means that in 2025 I’m now…furry.

I’m sometimes asked how I, the kitty Misty, consume literature. Smeared with tasty cat food, of course. But, seriously, I read novels in the traditional print-book format rather than via eBook or audiobook. I guess I’m “old school,” like the 1636-founded Harvard University. I expect only a few members of The Class of 1640 to be at Harvard’s 2040 alumni reunion; they’re the ones who reside with cats, who help humans live longer.

Long-lived humans in literature? The over-2,000-year-old Lazarus Long of five Robert Heinlein novels; Ayesha, who also clocks in at about two millennia in H. Rider Haggard’s She; the 250-year-old High Lama of James Hilton’s Lost Horizon; etc. I assume they had well-funded retirement accounts.

One of the oldest of my fellow cats is Garfield, who has starred in Jim Davis’ 1978-founded comic strip for 47 years! Which reminds me that my next guest blog post will appear in 47 years — minus 46 years and 10 months. So, August 2025. That’s also when my teen human Maria is starting college, which means her bedroom will be…mine!

Dave will reply to any comments because I, Misty the cat, am busy consulting with an interior decorator about changes in Maria’s room (where you see me in the photo atop this post). A kitty can’t have enough scratching posts, treat dispensers, and paintings of hairballs playing poker.

Misty the cat says: “That railing’s shadow means 4,378 more days of spring.”

Dave’s comedic 2024 book — the part-factual/part-fictional/not-a-children’s-work Misty the Cat…Unleashed — is described and can be purchased on Amazon in paperback or on Kindle. It’s feline-narrated! (And Misty says Amazon reviews are welcome. 🙂 )

This 90-second promo video for Dave’s book features a talking cat: 🙂

Dave is also the author of a 2017 literary-trivia book…

…and a 2012 memoir that focuses on cartooning and more.

In addition to this weekly blog, Dave writes the 2003-started/award-winning “Montclairvoyant” topical-humor column every Thursday for Montclair Local. The latest piece — about New Jersey’s upcoming primary election and much more — is here.

A Cat Named Misty Writes a Post That’s Twisty

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Misty aboveground with The Underground Railroad. (Photo by Dave.)

I, Misty the cat, guest-blog for Dave every two months or so. I last did that on February 9 — after which March winds brought April winds that knocked me from a standing position onto my side. Hence the above photo.

Anyway, as I embody “suburban sprawl” I’m contemplating the just-finished The Underground Railroad. Ouch…a searing novel set during 19th-century slavery times in the U.S. — which now consists of 50 states, only seven of which have cats as governors. One thing Colson Whitehead’s book made me realize is that felines are not as hung up on color as many white humans were and are. Heck, whether a cat is gray or black or orange or another hue, I glare at each one equally if they bother me during my daily leashed walks. After all, I’m the mayor of my apartment complex, though I don’t remember being elected. Maybe it was a coup.

The novel Dave and I read before The Underground Railroad was another installment of Val McDermid’s excellent series starring cold-case detective Karen Pirie, who Dave emulates by bringing home cold cases of cat food every winter. The Pirie novel was Broken Ground — a title that intrigued me because I also broke ground when I vigorously scratched in the dirt, searching for the paperwork certifying my mayoral election win.

Next in my near-future reading queue are the first novels I’ll be trying by Alexander McCall Smith, who makes me also want a multi-part name — perhaps Misty McKitty Bloggerslogger, which would sure beat being known as the title character in Wilkie Colllins’ novel No Name. Anyway, both soon-to-be-read-by-me McCall Smith books — 44 Scotland Street and The Sunday Philosophy Club — kick off respective series, and the latter title has already inspired me not to be philosophical Monday through Saturday. I also want to read another McCall Smith series opener — The No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency — but it’s not currently in my local library. As a cat lacking opposable thumbs, I couldn’t have grabbed hold of it anyway.

I do like strolling library aisles on my four paws, and have noticed that novels are shelved alphabetically by author. How Jane Austen shelved her own books — alphabetically or otherwise — in my town’s 1955-built library I have no idea; she passed away in 1817. Maybe she had Charles Dickens do it for her. Or the shelver might have been Dickens’ friend, the aforementioned Wilkie Collins, who also wrote the early detective novel The Moonstone. Dogs howl at its cover.

Dickens was born in 1812, so his and Austen’s lives overlapped for five years — giving them enough time to collaborate on the novel Sense and Nicholas Nickleby. Epic, albeit lacking in Sensibility.

Another writing pair is Vicki Myron and Bret Witter, who co-authored the heartwarming nonfiction book Dewey: The Small-Town Library Cat Who Touched the World. The library my fellow feline Dewey inhabited was in Iowa, one of the 43 states without a feline governor. Iowa has 75% vowels, though.

Returning to discussion of The Underground Railroad, that 2016 novel published a year after my 2015 birth still strongly resonates in 2025 given that the U.S. has a president (Donald Trump), a “co-president” (Elon Musk), and a vice president (JD Vance) so racist they renamed the late Amy Winehouse’s “Back to Black” album “Back to White.” Trump then exempted it from high tariffs.

Dave will respond to comments because I, Misty the cat, will be busy swatting high tariffs off the kitchen counter. They then become lower tariffs.

Misty the cat says: “I’m doing the annual Flower Walk to raise money for the annual Flower Walk.”

I and Dave’s comedic 2024 book — the part-factual/part-fictional/not-a-children’s-work Misty the Cat…Unleashed — is described and can be purchased on Amazon in paperback or on Kindle. It’s narrated by me, Misty! (And I say Amazon reviews are welcome. 🙂 )

This 90-second promo video for my and Dave’s book features a talking cat (sort of me, Misty): 🙂

Dave is also the author of a 2017 literary-trivia book…

…and a 2012 memoir that focuses on cartooning and more.

In addition to this weekly blog, Dave writes the 2003-started/award-winning “Montclairvoyant” topical-humor column every Thursday for Montclair Local. The latest piece — about another lawsuit, a large local anti-Trump/Musk rally, and more — is here.

In February, There Are Authors Born Between January and March

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I, the feline Misty, realize most novelists celebrate their birthdays with cake. I eat cat food. (Photo by my human Dave, who has informed me that today is not my birthday.)

Hi! Misty the cat here. I haven’t guest-blogged for Dave since December 8, which was two months ago. It was also sort of a year ago: 2024! Four millennia ago, too, because it was 2024 BC (Blogging Cat). Time flies when you’re…swatting a clock off the mantelpiece.

Anyway, Dave can use the break because he recently had a nasty case of the flu as well as various family matters keeping him busy, including explaining to the ghost of his 17th-century ancestor why her on-the-mantelpiece antique clock is splattered across the floor. Or maybe that cheapo clock was purchased for a few bucks this century at Kmart. (“‘Attention, Kmart shoppers.’ Get the hell of here because our chain filed for bankruptcy seven years ago, in 2018.”)

But what topic should I, Misty the cat, discuss today? It occurred to me that authors have birthdays in all 12 months — except October because someone stole a briefcase with Bono’s notes and lyrics while he and the rest of U2 were recording their “October” album in 1981. Anyway, authors have birthdays in the other 11 months, except for those who have birthdays in October, so let’s discuss some novelists who were born in February — this month! (“I’m dreaming of a white…Presidents’ Day…with every Presidents’ Day card I write…”)

Born on February 1 (1918) was Muriel Spark! She’s best known for writing the 1930s-set novel The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, whose title character was the first Amazon Prime customer.

Also born on February 1 (1901) was Langston Hughes, whose debut novel has a title — Not Without Laughter — that contains valuable advice for writing my blog posts. Heck, the only time I’m 100% serious is when my cat-treat container is empty and I consequently wear a mourning veil. Unlike someone marrying on the rebound who wears a basketball net for a veil.

Coming into the world on February 2 (1882) was James Joyce — who, if he had been a cat with nine lives, would’ve written “The Dead” nine times. Rather repetitive.

Ultraconservative icon Ayn Rand’s birthday was also on February 2 (1905). She decried government-run programs, yet hypocritically collected Social Security! Meanwhile, Atlas shrugged after his job as a book of maps was supplanted by GPS. “Turn right at the fountainhead.”

James Michener! Born on February 3 (1907). He wrote so many “doorstop” books that The Doors stopped…being a rock band. But not before one of my cat ancestors sang “Light My Fur” when one of those laser pointers was aimed at her.

Charles Dickens came to be on February 7 (1812). In his immortal words, “It was the best of cats, it was the best of cats,” because what other kinds of cats are there?

Sinclair Lewis was also born on February 7 (1885). He’s known for his 1920s run of excellent novels as well as for the iconic Lewis and Clark Expedition that involved setting a pick for Indiana Fever hoops superstar Caitlin Clark.

Another February 7 (1867) birthday was that of Little House on the Prairie series author Laura Ingalls Wilder. The diminutive nature of that house inspired the tiny green plastic houses used in Monopoly games.

Jules Verne? Born on February 8 (1828). Verne was a science-fiction pioneer, though he didn’t invent the genre. Sci-fi’s inventor was in fact my good friend Garfield the cat, who crafted a spaceship from lasagna and the rest was history.

Also a February 8 (1850) author was Kate Chopin, whose The Awakening novel shocked felines accustomed to napping 24 hours a day.

February 8 (1955) brought us John Grisham, too. His novel The Firm was great, but not quite an accurate representation of my jiggly belly.

Alice Walker was born on February 9 (1944). Given that me and other cats are partially color-blind, I have to take people’s word that Walker wrote The Color Purple.

February 10 (1890) was the birthday of Boris Pasternak, whose Doctor Zhivago is not about my vet. But my vet is welcome to change her name to Doctor Zhivago.

Toni Morrison was born on February 18 (1931). Her masterful work included Song of Solomon, whose initials remind me that I send out an SOS when my humans are gone for more than five seconds.

Amy Tan’s birthday is on February 19 (1952). Her books include The Kitchen God’s Wife, but religion continues to confuse me. What’s God doing in the kitchen? Does God really have a wife? If so, does that couple file a joint tax return? Who’s their CPA (Celestial Pair Accountant)?

The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter author Carson McCullers was also born on February 19 (1917). I know something about hunting, as I illustrate whenever I leave my apartment for my daily leashed walk. Let me know when chasing chipmunks becomes an Olympic sport.

David Foster Wallace, born on February 21 (1962), wrote Infinite Jest. If this post of mine became similarly infinite, could the WordPress blog platform handle that?

Anthony Burgess was born on February 25 (1917). Best known for A Clockwork Orange, but me and other cats aren’t into fruit. Our digestive systems are built for meat, and we don’t have the taste receptors to detect sweetness. Burgess could have written A Clockwork Tuna Melt, but noooo. Sheesh.

Victor Hugo! Born on February 26 (1802). Les Miserables is what happens when someone sticks a fruit platter in front of me.

I’ll end with John Steinbeck, who entered the world a century after Hugo (1902) on February 27. I don’t mean to harp on fruit, but The Grapes of Wrath…really? Steinbeck did also write East of Eden, which is definitely not east of an apple orchard.

Dave will reply to comments because I need to enter the contest for “Best Cat-Written Blog Post Focusing on Authors Born in February.” If I win a cash prize, maybe we can afford to turn up the heat in this damn apartment.

I, Misty the cat, say: “‘The Snows of Kilimanjaro’ have come to New Jersey.” 

My (and Dave’s) comedic 2024 book — the part-factual/part-fictional/not-a-children’s-work Misty the Cat…Unleashed — is described and can be purchased on Amazon in paperback or on Kindle. It’s feline-narrated! (And I, Misty, say Amazon reviews are welcome. 🙂 )

This 90-second promo video for the book features a talking cat that looks sort of like me: 🙂

Dave is also the author of a 2017 literary-trivia book…

…and a 2012 memoir that focuses on cartooning and more.

In addition to his weekly blog, Dave writes the 2003-started/award-winning “Montclairvoyant” topical-humor column every Thursday for Montclair Local. The latest piece — about a plan for seven new pricey homes — is here.