When Authors Become Municipal Auteurs

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Edgemont Park in my town of Montclair, New Jersey. (Photo by me, 9-21-2024.)

I’m doing something different for this week’s blog post — reprinting my local “Montclairvoyant” humor column from this past Thursday, September 19. Why? This particular Montclair Local piece melds news in my New Jersey town with a literature theme. Some of my local references will not be understood by non-Montclair residents, but I think the column will still be an entertaining read as various famous novels and authors are mentioned.

My weekly Local column is always in a question-and-answer format — with me doing both the asking and the replying. So, I’m conversing with myself. Obviously, I have some psychological issues. 🙂

As usual with my weekly Sunday literature blog posts, there’s a link to my weekly Thursday humor column at the very end of today’s piece, where you can see local reader comments and my replies. Some weeks just a few exchanges, other weeks many.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Montclair’s government operates under the Faulkner Act, which was explained at a recent meeting hosted by our two councilors-at-large. That Act gives a township manager lots of power, right?

Sincerely,

Clare Mont

Too much power, as granted by an Act named after late Montclair mayor Bayard Faulkner rather than author William Faulkner, whose 1932 novel Light in August chronicled 31 Montclair sunrises last month.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Not true. But the Faulkner Act makes me think that other forms of local government could be named after novelists. Some examples, please?

Sincerely,

Nitwit for Lit

I’ll start with the Jane Austen Act, which mandates that 21st-century councilors wear clothes from the 1810s and put a needed-but-expensive new Municipal Building and Police Headquarters in Mansfield Park.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

There’s no such park in our town. What about the Stephenie Meyer Act, named after the author whose Twilight vampire novels have a high school setting?

Sincerely,

There Will Be Blood

That Act forbids Council meetings from taking place the same evening as Back to School Night, which was held at Montclair High on September 11. So, none of the impressive teachers that evening wore Dracula baseball caps.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Are Dracula baseball caps even a thing? What about the Toni Morrison Act, named after the author of such novels as Beloved and Jazz?

Sincerely,

Sula Solomon

That form of government prevented the talented musicians at September 14’s Montclair Jazz Festival from going into executive session.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

A day later, the September 15-to-October 15 National Hispanic and Latino Heritage Month began, and it’s being celebrated in various ways in and near Montclair. Your thoughts as the parent of a Guatemalan-American daughter?

Sincerely,

Latina Heritage, Too!

I’m reminded of the Gabriel Garcia Marquez Act that allows a resident’s OPRA request to remain hidden for One Hundred Years of Solitude before the requested public records are released.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

That seems exaggerated. On September 18, a special election was held to fill the seat of the late U.S. Rep. Donald Payne Jr. in a congressional district that includes part of Montclair. Is there a form of government that evokes a political novel?

Sincerely,

G.O. Peeved

Yes, the Robert Penn Warren Act named after the All the King’s Men author born early enough (1905) to walk from his native Kentucky to New York City for the 1910 opening of the old Penn Station.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Penn Station and Robert Penn Warren are not related. What about the Marcel Proust Act?

Sincerely,

Remembrance of Pings Past

That Act, named after an author known for his LONG multi-volume opus In Search of Lost Time, codifies Council meetings that last more than five hours — a frequent occurrence in Montclair. After midnight, a pumpkin turns into another pumpkin.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Interesting take on Cinderella’s transportation. Is there a form of government that allows a resident to make a Council meeting public comment when not physically present at a Council meeting? (A resident currently can’t do that in Montclair.)

Sincerely,

Peak Speak

The Alexander Pushkin Act allows virtual commenting, but only if the resident has the same name as Pushkin characters Eugene Onegin or Tatyana Larina.

DEAR MONTCLAIRVOYANT,

Seems rather limiting. Other current councilors besides Montclair’s at-large ones have also held or will soon hold community meetings. Is there an Act besides the Faulkner law that encourages those welcome meetings?

Sincerely,

Feedback to the Future

Not the Anne Bronte Act, because that author wrote The Tenant of Wildfell Hall rather than The Councilor at Edgemont Park House.

My comedic 2024 book — the part-factual/part-fictional/not-a-children’s-work Misty the Cat…Unleashed — is described and can be purchased on Amazon in paperback or on Kindle. It’s feline-narrated! (And Misty says Amazon reviews are welcome. 🙂 )

This 90-second promo video for my book features a talking cat: 🙂

In addition to this weekly blog, I write the 2003-started/award-winning “Montclairvoyant” topical-humor column every Thursday for Montclair Local. The latest piece — which is reprinted in the above blog post — is here.

47 thoughts on “When Authors Become Municipal Auteurs”

  4. This doesn’t have anything to do with this week’s post, but it is hard to find books published after about 1925 on the internet. Sometimes I find newer novels on the net but they tend to disappear after a few months or so. This must have something to do with copyright laws, could you please inform me how long copyright protection lasts in the U.S. before a book comes into the public domain. Thank you for your kind attention.

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  5. Good Funny Day Dave,

    A most amusing Q&A column. Anne Landers and Dear Abbey would have been very nervous had you revealed your voyantcy during their reigns.

    I confess:

    I have been to & read your column several times. Being the brain child I am, during my first read, I thought your town was filled with some strange folk. 😂

    The second time, I suspected it was possibly all made up.

    Third time’s a charm. I got it. Whew! It could have turned out – Three strikes, you’re out (of it) 😵‍💫

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    • Thank you, Resa! I enjoyed your part-comedic comment! 😂 Yes, all the questions and answers are made up by me, though there’s a lot of fact-based stuff interspersed.

      By the way, I had the pleasure of meeting and interviewing Dear Abby (Abigail Van Buren) and Ann Landers a number of times when I covered newspaper syndication for a magazine. (Their real — married — names were Pauline Phillips and Eppie Lederer.) Very interesting people…and often rivals, despite (or maybe partly because of) being twin sisters.

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  6. Dave – you have the best Montclairvoyant articles. Local politics have the most impact on our daily lives. To me, these discussions are very important. And here is where I will go off script. I took a leap of faith and read a book by Donna Leon, an acclaimed author known for her compelling crime novels set in Venice. I found out that she was born in Montclair, New Jersey. Anyway, I found a quote about what she thinks is important…

    “We are a nation of egoists. It is our glory, but it will be our destruction, for none of us can be made to concern ourselves about something as abstract as “the common good”. The best of us can rise to feeling concern for our families, but as a nation we are incapable of more.” Donna Leon

    I am enjoying her rich storytelling and vivid characterizations! Many thanks for another great post!! It is good to laugh and see the humour in life.

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    • Thank you very much, Rebecca! 🙂 Yes, local politics are SO important, and something the average citizen has somewhat more control over than national and international politics.

      Interesting that Donna Leon is from Montclair! It’s a town that definitely has a bunch of writers as past or present residents. I remember reading the “Martha Speaks” books and watching the “Martha Speaks” children’s TV show when my younger daughter was younger, and thought the style of houses looked kind of familiar. Sure enough, it turned out that “Martha Speaks” creator Susan Meddaugh was born and raised in Montclair. 🙂

      That’s an insightful quote from Donna Leon!

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    • Thank you, Dan! “A nice merger between your two domains” — I like the way you said that! 🙂 And, yes, it would be nice if there were fewer politicians who don’t understand — or deliberately flout — reality.

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  10. Thanks for the link Dave. Funny stuff and we all need more funny stuff considering today’s political climate. I’m choosing funny and silly over any other form of being. What can I say– I’m a Groucho Marxist. Susi

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    • Thank you, Susi! Glad you found the piece funny — as I found your mention of being a “Groucho Marxist.” 😂 I think Groucho and The Marx Brothers in general are hilarious: “Duck Soup,” “Horse Feathers,” “A Night at the Opera,” etc. — and also Groucho’s “You Bet Your Life” TV show (which once had Ray Bradbury as a contestant!).

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  13. What a beautiful place you live in, Dave, judging by the picture you’ve posted. As I’ve spent the day battling to get to grips with my new laptop (the cursor is far too sensitive and keeps flying off in all directions, clicking on things I don’t want) my head isn’t in quite the right place to do justice to your post. I did note the skill with which you added the names of novelists into it, good work. When my brain is settled in a week or two I’ll give it another read. Have a good week and many thanks. 🙂

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    • Thank you, Laura! The park in the photo is one of the loveliest places in my town, so it’s not totally representative of where I live. But, overall, a nice-looking community by United States standards. 🙂

      I hear you — not easy getting used to a new computer, and that cursor sounds like it needs a tranquilizer or something. (The letters on the keyboard of my 2023 laptop are too close together, so I’m often touching a letter I don’t want to touch.) Good luck adapting to your new machine, and have a good week, too!

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