A Kitty Tries to Be Witty

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“Perhaps I should wake up and write a blog post,” says Misty. (Photo by Maria.)

I, Misty the cat, guest-blog for Dave every two months. I last did this on April 13 and today is June 8, so that’s…hmm…actually not quite two months. Reminds me of when Dave returned some novels to the library five days before their due date, and the indignant book drop expelled said novels with such force that they traveled back in time and landed on the heads of the three Karamazov brothers. Fortunately, each of the books was under 400 pages.

But Fyodor Dostoevsky’s 824-page The Brothers Karamazov is even longer than my average nap, during which I experience “Dreams” more often than Fleetwood Mac did at their 1977 concerts. And Dostoevsky’s 1880 novel might have been the first volume of an even longer work if the Russian author hadn’t died in early 1881. Perhaps a trilogy of sorts — like Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games (about me nudging my cat-food bowl so that each serving lands in the exact center) and J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings (about my epic quest to be a male feline version of the Ernestine telephone operator played by Lily Tomlin).

I recommend shopping at Pop Culture R Us for all your celebrity-name-dropping needs.

Speaking of decades-ago entertainment, do you remember the 1978 movie Same Time, Next Year about a married woman and a married man who have a multi-year annual affair? That film partly inspired the long-term romance of Mallory Blessing and Jake McCloud in Elin Hilderbrand’s 2020 novel 28 Summers, which I read last week and found to be a wonderful, poignant book. It’s 422 pages in hardcover, which explains why various other 19th-century Russian fictional characters are donning helmets to avoid concussions. Helmets with stickers saying “Please Don’t Name Your Cat Anna Karenina.”

I’ll add that 28 Summers has an alternate-history element, with Jake’s wife Ursula DeGournsey running for President of the United States in 2020. Reminds me that my aforementioned cat-food bowl is shaped sort of like the Oval Office, and even has a tiny edible desk.

Other novels featuring politicians? Stephen King’s The Dead Zone, Robert Penn Warren’s All the King’s Men, J.K. Rowling’s The Casual Vacancy, Fannie Flagg’s Standing in the Rainbow, and Sinclair Lewis’ It Can’t Happen Here, to name a few. When my cat-food bowl was empty for five seconds, you know what I screamed? Yes, I screamed “It can’t happen here!!!”

A century ago, Lewis had quite a run of notable novels: Main Street (1920), Babbitt (1922), Arrowsmith (1925), Elmer Gantry (1927), and Dodsworth (1929). It Can’t Happen Here was published in 1935, eight decades before my 2015 birth year — which means that in 2025 I’m now…furry.

I’m sometimes asked how I, the kitty Misty, consume literature. Smeared with tasty cat food, of course. But, seriously, I read novels in the traditional print-book format rather than via eBook or audiobook. I guess I’m “old school,” like the 1636-founded Harvard University. I expect only a few members of The Class of 1640 to be at Harvard’s 2040 alumni reunion; they’re the ones who reside with cats, who help humans live longer.

Long-lived humans in literature? The over-2,000-year-old Lazarus Long of five Robert Heinlein novels; Ayesha, who also clocks in at about two millennia in H. Rider Haggard’s She; the 250-year-old High Lama of James Hilton’s Lost Horizon; etc. I assume they had well-funded retirement accounts.

One of the oldest of my fellow cats is Garfield, who has starred in Jim Davis’ 1978-founded comic strip for 47 years! Which reminds me that my next guest blog post will appear in 47 years — minus 46 years and 10 months. So, August 2025. That’s also when my teen human Maria is starting college, which means her bedroom will be…mine!

Dave will reply to any comments because I, Misty the cat, am busy consulting with an interior decorator about changes in Maria’s room (where you see me in the photo atop this post). A kitty can’t have enough scratching posts, treat dispensers, and paintings of hairballs playing poker.

Misty the cat says: “That railing’s shadow means 4,378 more days of spring.”

Dave’s comedic 2024 book — the part-factual/part-fictional/not-a-children’s-work Misty the Cat…Unleashed — is described and can be purchased on Amazon in paperback or on Kindle. It’s feline-narrated! (And Misty says Amazon reviews are welcome. 🙂 )

This 90-second promo video for Dave’s book features a talking cat: 🙂

Dave is also the author of a 2017 literary-trivia book…

…and a 2012 memoir that focuses on cartooning and more.

In addition to this weekly blog, Dave writes the 2003-started/award-winning “Montclairvoyant” topical-humor column every Thursday for Montclair Local. The latest piece — about New Jersey’s upcoming primary election and much more — is here.

105 thoughts on “A Kitty Tries to Be Witty”

  1. Wow, Misty! This post is absolutely brilliant — your literary meanderings, time-traveling books, presidential cat-food bowls, and epic feline adventures had me laughing, thinking, and marveling all at once. I love how you seamlessly blend classic literature with pop culture, personal cat quirks, and historical trivia — it’s like reading a manifesto of curiosity and humor wrapped in fur.

    Your insight into novels, long-lived humans (and cats), and the occasional chaos of Maria’s room makes me feel like I’m sharing a cup of tea with the cleverest, sassiest scholar on the planet. Honestly, the world needs more cat philosophers like you. Can’t wait to see the next post — and I’ll be counting the 4,378 more days of spring with you!

    Misty, you’ve officially raised the bar for guest-blogging everywhere.

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  2. Hello Misty,

    Misha here! It’s always the cat’s meow when you write a post.

    I wanted to write last night, but Resa was too busy to type for me. Honestly, she didn’t seem that busy, and I really hate being brushed off like that.

    If she wants to brush me, there are several to chose from in the house.

    In order to remind her, I left the biggest fur ball in yucky stuff at the foot her bed, while she was sleeping. It was half crusty and stuck to the floor when she stepped on it.

    Just a tip incase you need a special reminder for Dave.

    I don’t read as much as you do. Resa has less books than Dave, and says Dave is made from inked pages.

    Speaking of pages, have you read Shōgun? There’s 1312 of them in there, and not 1 show cat.

    As for politicians, the only one I find any interest in Cato the Younger. Although part of catstory, his character appears in the novel – Dictator by Roberts Harris.

    Harris wrote lots about ancient Rome including Pompeii. If anyone knows about pomp, it’s us cats.

    He also wrote Conclave which, as you and I know, should be titled Catclave.

    Although Garfield is a big star cat, he’s not a real star.
    Felis    , an orange-red star visible to the naked eye, is an actual star.

    Anyway I like Top Cat. He’s not as rich and famous as Garfield, but he lives in the alley where there’s lots of garbage and garage door art that my human likes. Well, not the garbage, although I find it an attractive aspect.

    Okay, meal time.

    Boy, she better get it right in the centre or I’m not touching it!

    I suppose I could try your bowl nudging technique. Still, refusing to eat imperfectly placed feast, could result in a second flavour choice.

    Okay Misty, it’s been slices of chicken in gravy! I prefer the one with the cheese bits. You?

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    • Thank you, Resa! Wonderful to hear from Misha, whose often-funny comment was a magnificent blog post in of itself! I felt a certain “brush” with greatness, and I appreciate the mentions of various books and more.

      Misty and I have read “Shogun” — a fantastic novel that we didn’t want to end despite its length. I recall the edition we read was about 1,000 pages, so it must have had smaller print than your 1,312-page one.

      Chicken slices in gravy sounds excellent for a cat (though not for vegan humans 🙂 ). Misty’s favorite wet-cat-food flavor is “Chicken in Pumpkin Soup,” from the Fussie Cat brand. Cheese bits can always help, but I stopped giving Misty cheese (in his case, parmesan) when he was gaining a bit too much weight. That big-bodied feline is now at a perfect 17 pounds — 16.99999 pounds after he gets his claws trimmed. 🙂

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  3. Dear Misty, you wrote a fabulous blog post and have given me a lot to think about. So many books! And Congrats on getting your own room, and good luck with the interior decorator. Can’t wait to see what you’ve done with the place. 😄🐈

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  7. Haha!! Sounds like you are keeping plenty busy Miss Misty! You mentioned a lot of great books, including one of my favorite trilogies of all time, the Lord of the Rings. And 28 Summers happens to be one of my favorite books by Elin Hilderbrand! 🙂 Good luck with your decorator – my kitties would agree with you about the cat posts and treats!

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    • Thank you, M.B.! Yes, “The Lord of the Rings” deserves all its multi-decade hype. And I agree that “28 Summers” is one of Elin Hilderbrand’s best, and I’ve never read a novel of hers I didn’t like (I’ve now read more than 20). “28 Summers” might be my very favorite, though books like “The Hotel Nantucket” give it a run for the money. Thanks once again for introducing me to her work! Misty’s only complaint about Hilderbrand is that there are more dogs than cats in her books. 🙂

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    • Ha! 😂 I also eagerly await Misty’s research findings on reading while asleep. If he’s successful, I won’t even have to be awake to read those findings. 🙂

      Have a great week, too, Sharon!

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  11. Hi Dave,

    I don’t have anything literature related to add, but I did read a funny comment on social media the other day. It was National Sorry Day which is about acknowledging a government policy from mid last century which forced removal of Indigenous children from their families, as well as a wider acknowledgement of the inequality between black and white Australians. Anyway, some nutjob comments and says why I should be sorry for what happened 250 years ago (beginning of colonisation) when most (and I quote most) of those people aren’t even alive any more. Why is it that so many from the right side of politics just have no grasp on reality or truth? I’m currently in an online argument with someone trying to convince me more than 330 million people are registered to vote in the U.S. I genuinely don’t know how people come up with this stuff!

    Thank goodness for witty kitties though who make the world a much nicer place to be in ❤

    Sue

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    • Thank you, Sue! I agree that it’s VERY annoying when right-wingers get upset at gestures acknowledging past wrongs. Especially so because those gestures are often token, virtually meaningless, way too late, etc. But better late than never and better something than nothing, I suppose. Just wish the awful stuff hadn’t been done in the first place. As for most rather than all people no longer being alive from 250 years ago ( 😂 ), I’d like to know the survivors’ diets and exercise regimens. 🙂

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  15. Misty: You indicated that your food bowl shape-wise was like the Oval Office, just saying that I hope you don’t get excited about redecorating anything that might look like the Oval Office now, given Trump’s gaudy tastes. Owwa. Sorry to think of how horrible it looks. Talk about fool’s gold both on display in what once was a very tasteful renovation by Jackie Kennedy. Oh well, it could have ended up with lots of stripper poles courtesy of Melania. Glad for the mention of Same Time Next Year. I had no idea the movie was based on a book. I think it starred Alan Alda and Carol Burnet. Susi

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    • Thank you, Susi! I agree that Trump’s taste in decor is SO…tasteless. (As is Melania’s, as you allude to.) Misty the cat would definitely improve things if he were ever elected President. But unlikely he’d raise enough money to run a strong campaign; cats aren’t PAC animals. 🙂

      From what I’ve read, the “Same Time, Next Year” film was based on a play, but I think there was a novelization at some point, too.

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    • Thank you, Dave! Wit and wisdom are two of Misty’s three favorite “w” words, also including whiskers. 🙂 A Garfield redecorating motif including lasagna room fresheners — ha ha! 😂 Misty is now trying to figure out how they got the lasagna into a spray can…

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    • Thank you, Kim! I was impressed with “The Casual Vacancy”; its characters seemed very real, and there was lots of quiet and not-so-quiet drama in its suburban setting. An interesting interval for J.K. Rowling between the “Harry Potter” books and her Cormoran Strike/Robin Ellacott crime series — both of which I was and am addicted to. 🙂

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        • I agree, Kim — the Harry Potter movies were excellent, too! I’ve only seen YouTube clips of the “C.B. Strike” TV series, but it looks like that is also done well. Those Strike/Ellacott novels are getting rather long, but they’re still almost never boring.

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  20. Well, Misty, your approach in consulting experts deeply resonates with my feline companion (a she, going by the name of Lucia): fast asleep, but only to the untrained eye of course.

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    • Thank you, Dingenom! I’m glad Lucia (great name for a cat!) and Misty have some similar thoughts about things. I’m convinced that fast-asleep or seemingly fast-asleep cats have more insights than some humans. 🙂

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  21. Good morning, Misty and Dave!! I thoroughly enjoyed your post. Misty – you always brings such cleverness and catly wisdom to your blog. Of course, your literary tastes are impeccable, and your point of view is as refreshing as a nap in a sunbeam.

    Misty I am excited about a book that I just discovered 2 days ago that I know you will enjoy. You may even know the characters. The title is “Seafurrers: The Ships’ Cats Who Lapped and Mapped the World by Philippa Sandall . I haven’t I read it yet but the information on it suggests that It’s a wonderfully quirky and well-researched little book that combines maritime history with feline lore. The book celebrates cats who sailed on exploration voyages, worked on trade ships, and sometimes even got into naval scrapes. I understand that It’s a purrfect blend of history and whimsy. Who knew whiskers and waves could go so well together? It looks like just the sort of nautical adventure a curious you might pounce on.

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    • Thank you, Rebecca! Interesting and whimsical! Misty loved your line about his point of view being “as refreshing as a nap in a sunbeam.” It explains why he keeps listening to “Here Comes the Sun” on Sunspotify. 🙂

      “Seafurrers: The Ships’ Cats Who Lapped and Mapped the World” sounds amazing! What a fantastic idea for a book! I see that it was published in 2018, when Misty was three — a length of time just 12 months more than “Two Years Before the Mast.” 🙂

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  22. I very much hope for you, Misty, that Harvard University will still exist in 2040 when your class meeting is foreseen to take place! In general, I would also advice to reread the The Brothers Karamasov, which gives much insight into the life of a vulgar man, who is only interested in making money and seduce women! Many thank also to Dave for his supervising this post!

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  23. My library has no return fees,Misty.

    I’m currently reading a book,a memoir, given to me by a friend who bought from Barnes & Noble called ,”Birding To Change The World “” by Trish O’Kane.

    I’m a bird nerd,this is an excellent read with extensive annotations, research on multiple of topics. I’m taken in by personal stories, anecdotes, how fortunate we are to share a world with our fine feathered friends.

    Dave has you on a leash so your no danger to birds but many cats are. I’m glad your on a leash and I hope you have a fun,safe,exploratory summer. 😺

    Michele

    E @ P ,way back

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    • Thank you, Michele! Great that your local library has no return fees! Same with mine. 🙂

      Nice that you’re a bird nerd! I’m mostly clueless about birds, though my older daughter has developed an interest. And, yes, Misty is VERY interested in birds, but we grab the leash if he tries to approach one.

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    • Thank you, Chris! 🙂 So true — looking good is an art that Luna, Misty, and millions of other cats have mastered. Like Gloria Swanson in “Sunset Boulevard,” they all correctly feel: “I’m ready for my close-up.” 🙂

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    • Thank you, Darlene! 🙂 Ha — 😂 — I wouldn’t want “The Brothers Karamazov” to fall on my foot, either. Perhaps a Tolstoy novella instead… In paperback…

      Misty would prefer a suite of rooms, but he’ll have to accept that he lives in a modest apartment. 🙂

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    • Thank you, Ada! 🙂 Ha — 😂 — your secret is safe with the readers here. 🙂 “The Brothers Karamazov” is indeed not an easy read; lots of great parts along with some not-so-great parts. But overall I thought it was an exceptional book, though I prefer Dostoevsky’s more-focused “Crime and Punishment.”

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    • Ha! 😂 Thank you, Madeline! Yes, Misty is male; Maria named him (the female-sounding) Misty because of his “foggy” color. Maria is actually going to Boston University; I mentioned Harvard because it’s the oldest U.S. university (though not as old as Ayesha in “She” 🙂 ).

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  30. I care for my coffee cup the way you care for your food bowl, Misty. Do you have a backup bowl in case the main food doesn’t drop in time. We used to leave a bowl of crunchy kibble for our cats. When they wanted better food in the middle of the night, they’d carry the kibble into the bedroom and start crunching.

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